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Cake day: July 11th, 2023

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  • Hey friend. Calling the Venera probes “junk” is selling them short. The Soviet Venus program pulled off some genuinely insane feats between the ’60s and early ’80s—basically the punch-card era of spaceflight.

    • Venera 7 was the first spacecraft to land on another planet and send data back (1970).
    • Venera 9 delivered the first photo taken from the surface of another planet (1975).
    • Venera 13 survived 450°C heat and 90 atmospheres of pressure in 1982, long enough to send back color photos, audio from the surface, and a full soil analysis. No other country—not even now—has matched that on Venus.

    All of this was done with computers running at 100–200 kHz and 8 KB of memory. For comparison, modern smartphones have 3–6 GB of RAM, multi-core CPUs clocking in at 2.5+ GHz, and literally millions of times the processing power. Your phone wouldn’t last five seconds on Venus. Venera 13 lasted 127 minutes.

    Despite the harshest planetary environment we’ve ever targeted—900°F surface temps, atmospheric pressure like 3,000 feet underwater, and clouds of sulfuric fucking acid—the Venera program still racked up a list of milestones:

    Here’s how their success rate compares to other space programs:

    Program Missions Successes Failures Success Rate Notes
    Soviet Venera 28 15 13 ~54% First landings, first photos, audio, and soil data from Venus
    NASA Venus (Mariner) 5 3 2 60% All flybys—no landings
    NASA (modern planetary) Many ~75–85% Varies ~75–85% Achieved after decades of experience and tech refinement
    SpaceX (Falcon era) 300+ ~98% Few ~98% Mostly low Earth orbit and ISS missions, not planetary landings

    SpaceX has incredible reliability, but they’re launching commsats and resupply capsules—not trying to drop hardware onto a planet that eats spacecraft for breakfast. NASA has never returned data from the surface of Venus, despite multiple attempts. Mars is a far easier target in every possible way, and it still took decades to achieve consistent success.

    Venera’s 54% success rate wasn’t a sign of failure—it was a sign of pushing the boundaries of what was possible. They were first. They were bold. And they made history with kilobyte-level hardware and pressure vessels tougher than your car’s engine block.

    This wasn’t junk. It was triumph.

    Visual and audio proof:










  • Honestly pretty great. I love my relatively new position at my company, my career track is great, and it seems like people above me might be aware of the good job I am doing. Plus it’s more money than I have ever made in my life, so while I’m still underpaid for my role, I get to WFH wherever I want, and this has all allowed me to buy my first house in rural northern Maine, with almost 11 acres. I close in 27 days and then I can GTFO of my parents’ house, where I have been for 15 months. With any luck I can then find a Canadian wife and get dual citizenship, the better to flee when the trump gestapo come for me for whatever made up reason they come up with.
































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